Not Home
It hasn’t happened in a while, but today it hit me hard again that this isn’t home. And its weird that it hit me when it did. For a moment it was like orientation week again and college was just some camp that I’m staying at temporarily.
Friends here are great! But still I don’t have those same kinds of bonds I had in high school. We’re all comfortable being ourselves with each other, but there seems to be that personal life bubble that people all have now. We don’t depend on each other on the deep troubles in the back of our minds. It’s hard because I feel like I can only open myself up to a certain extent. I want a mutualistic trust between someone where we can really open up completely, talk about nothing for hours, and love every moment of it.
I want to know that I really matter to someone deeply. I have to admit that I open up easily to anyone that wants to get to know me. Sure it gets me friends pretty easily and I have no problem meeting people in college, but I wish someone would return the same sentiment sometime. I want someone to feel like they can completely trust me with anything and feel comfortable telling me everything.
Thats what I miss most from home.
This week has been pretty rough so far. Two midterms, lots of work due, its really just a struggle to stay focused on what I need to focus on. Especially after bombing today’s Math test, I just feel so empty.
Maybe theres a limit to how close a friend can be. I feel like at some point you have to go past the point of a friendship to become closer to someone, but what do you do if you cant pass that line.
Unfortunately for me, whenever I read my posts afterwards, I realize what a bad writer I am. I’m just not good at articulating my thoughts in a witty manner. But anyways, I’ll be doing Writing 20 next semester so hopefully I’ll be good to go after that.
PCout
